This just in:

I don't want to be part of one of "those" couples who orders the same thing at a restaurant...at least not all the time. You feel me?

On a side note: I am willing to be part of a couple who sits on the same side of the table when dining out. I think that's cute. Even when it's not old people.

That is all.

Reo Speedwagon Song About Flying

Earlier tonight, I found myself thinking about the future. Starting next week I'll be sending job apps to faraway places like New York and D.C. (cities I fell in love with during my mini vacation + deep down I'm a city girl). Finding a new job would also require finding a new place to live--which is an equally challenging task.

Though the entire process is daunting, it's something I'm eager to begin. Work is seemingly becoming more unbearable...I should stress "seemingly" because nothing has significantly changed--only my perception. There have been some additional stressors over the last few weeks, but now it is business as usual. So in theory, I should be fine...I'm just not. The littlest things destroy my focus which in turn, puts me in a bad mood--which super sucks. I've never really been good at being in a bad mood. It was always just easier to pretend nothing was wrong and wait for the good mood to come. As a result of my mismanagement of feelings, I don't quite know what to do with myself when I'm in a bad mood. I usually just pull away...cutting off communication. Which is probably why I haven't even been blogging as much. Sigh.

I want to escape. I need to escape. It's time for me to fly.

The jobs that I've been looking at are all out-of-state. All of them. I'm going to miss everyone...hardcore, but I need a fresh start*. Something new. A chance to quit making the same mistakes over and over. To find a way to be happy with Myself again. She and I have been at odds for the last few years. It's time for a reconciliation.

And besides...I'm quite the accomplished traveler now. Visiting won't be a problem...I'll probably even see some friends more frequently if I live in another state.

I just...AHHHH!!! You know?!

*I'm fairly certain I'm going to be pouting about how much I miss everyone for months after I've moved away. Preparing for it now.

irvine

Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do
They say you're here every moment
Will you stay?
Stay 'till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me

Why is it so hard?
Why can't you just take me?
I don't have much to go
Before I fade completely

Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine

How are you so strong?
What's it like to feel so free?
Your heart is really something
Your love, a complete mystery to me

Are you there watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
Do you cry, do you cry with me?
Cry with me tonight

Are you there?
Are you watching me?

Apple for Me

I reviewed a friend's paper tonight. I actually enjoyed it. I'd forgotten how much I truly liked my work in grad school. Mayhaps Nate was right and I really am meant to be a teacher. Hmm...

I also prepared a cover letter and tweaked my resume for a new job tonight--an environmentalist organization in Vermont. The search begins! Bumbumbum!!

60.25

Today' Writing Prompt: Monday

What is the best thing about Mondays?

The fact that they aren't Tuesdays.

AAHHH!!! TV SUPERSTAR! or something.

10,000 words + 25 pages = exhaustion.

That is all.

Feeling Patriotic...

At the end of my senior year of high school, I received a lovely scholarship and with it--an article in the paper about my plans for the future. At the time, I was planning on going to law school....something which is still in the back of my head...


The picture was taken in the courtroom where I was an intern. I was so excited! Not because of getting my picture taken...or even the article. I got to sit in the judge's chair at one point. It was so...moving. To be able to see what they see. To feel the responsibility of that seat. It was overwhelming.

And a very fond memory.

Remember this feeling

coworkers just got back from the meeting about our office review. i wasn't invited to the meeting because--apparently i've only been here a year so i don't really matter. i was told that the meeting was about XX, not about any one of us. however--the other 2 got to go, why wasn't i allowed?

when i asked them questions about the meeting, the answers were vague at best. as if they learned nothing new. and maybe they didn't. apparently there's going to be another meeting sometime in january in which the two bosses--jesuit vs. bishop-- talk. so i have to wait til then to find out more...

the only concrete news that i did find out is that i'm getting reviewed on friday. i've been here a year, so it's time, they said. fact check: my year anniversary was in september-they should have done it then. seems like yet another weird occurence.

i am so completely frustrated right now. i was essentially told that i'm not part of an organization that i uprooted my life for.

fuck that.