Apparently Life is Funny

Humor came over tonight--Yes Humor.

He and I have been chatting the last few days. Yesterday we had reached what I thought was the end of whatever relationship we had. He has kind of found someone else, you see. Someone who is not me. And for the most part, I'm okay with that. We're not right for each other, I know that. Despite this knowledge, I still want him. Or at least I want to spend time with him...

I thought it was over. No more conversations with him. Alas though, he sent me a text first thing this morning. I, the woman with whom he's undeniably attached to...but not to the point that...I don't know...to the point that he wants to be in a relationship. Or something*.

We chatted back and forth during the day...at times becoming very heated. And despite our rather scandalous text messages from this afternoon (which were so sexually charged I can't even paraphrase them) he was planning on going out with the other girl tonight.

Unfortunately for him, those plans fell through and all he was left with was...me basically. Even though I knew he wanted to be with someone else tonight, I still persuaded him to come over. Hell. I didn't even need to persuade him. He was halfway here when I invited him to come over. I didn't care about the girl he was going to see. What they were going to do. None of that mattered. And he knew it.

As soon as he entered my apartment he started taking off his clothes (so much for foreplay). At one point during our...interaction...I felt motivated to remind him that I wasn't a whore....fuck me. I reminded him that I wasn't a whore. Who does that??? He, of course, was taken aback. And he actually seemed hurt. At first he was defensive, saying he didn't remotely think of me that way. Then he apologized if he had hurt my feelings--because that wasn't at all his intention. Sigh. So then I felt bad for saying anything.

He's gone now and I'm left sitting on my bed...With that stupid lyric stuck in my head--"the smell of your skin lingers on me now"...because that's what I've got going on right now**. I'm fairly certain that all the perfume that I own could not cover up his scent....

So yeah...The events of tonight--combined with the overwhelming feeling that I'm the kind of girl that men must avoid when their girlfriends are away--How is it possible for me to not feel at least a little bit whorish?



*Yet another case of me being attached to an "emotionally unavailable" male. Fuck.
**Thumbs down Fergie.